How NOT to Contemplate Life

Everyone has lost countless time contemplating things which are fundamentally and so basically obviously useless. The human race even created two whole branches of study for it: philosophy and religion. Some answers have been proposed but none convincing or complete enough and the people who wallow in these questions frustratingly get underpaid (at least the philosophers) and all in all just fail.

Most people however manage to limit these certain thoughts to very specific moments and therefore are not so bothered by them. I’ll show you,

Example A

Phil: wait, subject A is you college roommate? Danny: yeah, why? Phil: He was my best friend in elementary school! We grew up together! Danny: oh wow! What a small world… (Beginning of contemplation) Phil [thoughtfully]: yeah, what a small world. (End of contemplation)

Of course there are times (though rarer) where the contemplation gets deeper. For example,

Example B

Naomi [about to fall asleep looking at the ceiling] thinks: What is the meaning of life?

Anyways, usually this kind of contemplation doesn’t disrupt the day to day life of most individuals. The rare random moment does pop up, but it’s limited to that.

With me, being as dysfunctional as I am, this is not the case. I am know to space out staring randomly at nothing with a blank expression, contemplating anything that pops up in my mind long enough to contemplate it. I have no idea how my friends put up with me, they must be very patient. This is nothing though, compared to what happens at night.

 When it’s time to sleep, it’s as if all my neurons suddenly spark up and say:

“Forget sleeping and put your thinking cap on! We’re going to have some fun!”

Therefore, I spend every night lying awake with a voice in my head just thinking and thinking and being desperate and utterly exhausted; and obviously very nervous during the day. I have, of course been diagnosed with insomnia.  

My neurons even have a top ten list of their favourite topics: 

1. What is the point of my existence?  2. What is the point of existence in general? 3. Why is their life?  4. Do I have an impact on the world?  5. Is everything predestined or is their a pre-written fate?  6. If everything is just fate, then f*** fate! And what did I ever do to her?  7. If everything is random then why am I so unlucky?  8. What is the answer to “life the universe and everything” (thank you for that one Douglas Adams)?  9. Is there an answer to “life the universe and everything”?  10. And, obviously, how would time travel work?

My nights are endless and the funny thing is, I don’t have an answer to any of these questions which along many others torment me nagging on my brain all night long. Once I even tried to write down these night time thoughts and they were just plain ridiculous. I’ll post the extract in my next post: “night-time wanderings”. All in all, definitely the perfect way NOT to contemplate life.

Dysfunctional Girl