Despair

She’s looking around, eyes widened with panic.
She’s frenetically searching for something to grasp on to, everything is nauseatingly rotating in to darkness, at an alarming speed. The walls around her are shattering, shards flying towards her. She bleeds as the debris grazes her skin, but barely even seems to notice. She’s still frantically looking for her something to cling to but is nowhere closer than before and doesn’t know how long she’ll resist.
The whole house is crumbling, the foundations giving out and bringing the walls to collapse. She’s lying, pierced by pieces of wood and shattered by bricks. Still, she doesn’t notice. All she sees is dark, a voice ushering to her and begging her to follow.
As she’s bleeding out, she follows those sweet usherings. Suddenly, it all becomes clear. This is death. She’s scared, she doesn’t want to die. It definitely terrifies more than anything else, it would make everything else pointless. She would never be able to help the people she wronged. She would never be able to make up for all the pain and suffering she caused.
The dark though, the sweet whispers, the promise of no pain… They temp her, another way out. The only way out, because she’s broken beyond repair. The only real solution to all the problems and the only way to stop hurting the people she cares about. Slowly, she drifts out of her daydream.
She’s sitting on the bathroom floor, blade to her wrist. She slits. As she bleeds out and is drained of life, she finally finds peace. She finally smiles.

Snapping out of her fantasy, she feels cool floorboards under her numb fingers. She lays her cheek on the cold stone and lets the coolness sooth her. Calming down, her breathing evens out: the panic attack is over.
She looks out of the window at the bright sky, isolating a single ray and letting hope spark in her heart.
“After all – she thinks – I’m happy it was just a fantasy.” and goes downstairs to greet her parents and get started with her day, hoping it will get better.

Dysfunctional Girl