How Not to Travel

Travelling is fun. Everybody enjoys visiting new places, learning new customs and finding themselves immersed in a completely different culture.

Whether for a more cultural or adventure packed trip, you’re bound to have a lot of fun. Activities are great, as is sightseeing, trying the local cuisines and walking around new places in general.

There are however a lot of mistakes that can be made and, dysfunctional as I am, I believe I can concoct a decent list of what they may be. Therefore, here I present the unofficial guide on “How Not to Travel”:

1. Pack last minute. This is absolutely fundamental. If you take too much time preparing your suitcase it actually gives you time to reflect on what you want and need to bring. However, what you’re looking for is that frenetic packing mode where you end up frantically grabbing random items from your wardrobe and stuffing them into your bag/suitcase. This way, you’re bound to forget something absolutely fundamental which will be a huge issue during your trip such as adapters, earphones or, if you’re a pro at dysfunctionality, even your phone, passport, medicines or credit card.

2. Leave your house last minute. Whether you’re traveling by bus, train or airplane, the company always advices you to arrive a certain amount of time before departure. DON’T do that. You want to arrive absolutely last minute, risking to miss your bus/train/plane. This way, instead of calmly waiting for departure, you can enjoy the thrill of a panic fueled run to wherever you have to get to, usually dragging your way too heavy luggage (because you over-packed, not having planned) behind you in a hilarious fashion, triggering laughter in any bystander.

3. Do no research on transportation, maps and anything which may facilitate orientation in your destination. This can have many consequences. For example, there is nothing more frustrating than leaving the station/airport and having no idea how to get to your hotel. If you’re lucky, you may even miss your check-in! This can also bring to ulterior problems during the trip, mainly not being able to get anywhere without getting lost.

4. Do not plan your activities or even research what attractions there are. You want to arrive and be completely disoriented with absolutely no knowledge of the place you are in and no idea what to do and where to go. This will bring to a lot of useless wandering and wasted time as you try to improvise some sort of last minute, patched up and imperfect itinerary.

5. Do not set a trip budget. When abroad, you’re bound to spend and between souvenirs, attractions and tourist traps you’re bound to spend a lot. Don’t plan out your money and let yourself go. You’re traveling after all, why hold back? You even get to enjoy a major panic attack when, once home, you realize you’ve maxed out several credit cards, have no cash and have emptied your bank account!

Enjoy your travels!

Sincerely yours,

Dysfunctional Girl