After a very strong and long period of idealisation, I found myself in the opposite position with my partner: devaluation. I feel hurt, upset and alone. I know I shouldn't, yet I do. This is an adaptation of lyrics to a rap song I wrote, turned into poem, that expresses how I and many people … Continue reading Devaluation
I wrote this after one of the many panic attacks I had during lockdown. I hope you enjoy. She tried to take a deep breath, only to find it felt like a thousand needles pricking her lungs. Her head felt heavy, eyes droopy, as the sought after high kicked in.She was in excruciating pain. Not … Continue reading A panic Attack – Short Story
This morning I went to an outlet complex with my mother. It was an altogether good experience (though I must say, crowded too) and I acquired a lot of nice clothes and shoes such as a pair of canvas sketchers and Desigual jeans. The weather was nice and the sky was promising. The forecast not … Continue reading An attempt at (dysfunctional) independence!
It is currently 11,45 PM, I've taken all my sleeping medication, yet I can't seem to fall asleep. Don't get me wrong, I feel exhausted and would wish for nothing more than a good night's sleep, but unfortunately this isn't the case and as soon as I put my head on the pillow I'm overwhelmed … Continue reading Sleeping… Or absence of such
Sometimes you're okay. Sometimes not. Today, I'm going to concentrate on the latter... This poem is about one of those moments, however, no matter how hopeless you feel, there's always hope. Run, I must run. Run. I'm running, life thrown at me as I glide through time, struggling to reach what is not possible to … Continue reading Run to the light
The past and (in some countries) current lockdowns have generated various mental health issues. Rates of depression, anxiety and paranoia are sky high, even in those who don't usually suffer from mental illness. This is not my case: well, I struggled a lot so it is, but I have a pre-existing condition which completely blew … Continue reading Surviving a Lockdown with BPD, relationship issues: dependency
These last few months have been tough, very. When you have a psychiatric disorder you like your external world stable, espescially since your inner existence is so screwed up. I live in Italy. The lockdown was long, really long (about three months to be precise). Of course, dysfunctional as I am, I did NOT deal … Continue reading How NOT to Survive a Lockdown
For some time now I have been struggling with depression. I had become too depent on my significant other and forgot I could live without him. Things got bad, really bad. This is what sucks about Borderline Personality Disorder. You know the mistakes you're making, you can see them, yet you can't control them. It's … Continue reading I haven’t written in so long…
How NOT to be functional 