Fear of change is nothing if not fear of the unknown. When failure is your certainty, it is fear of failure that becomes your cripple. Change implies the abandonment of a static condition of misery and illness. This may sound outstanding ; however... when that is all you know, the fear of failure and return … Continue reading Fear of Change
As already mentioned in previous posts, I spent a week in the United States. I was there to visit my family for my cousin's wedding and all things considered, I must say I had a lot of fun. This of course does not mean that there weren't any struggles. Weddings are of course big social … Continue reading A beautiful wedding… Social gatherings and difficulties
Though I have much to say about New York and am having a great time on my trip, there is one problem: food. After having spent an entire day walking around lower Manhattan, me and my mother walked up Broadway to reach our Hotel in midtown. I had been restricting all day and am sad … Continue reading Defeat and Victory: an internal struggle, New York day 1 and 2
In this post I would like to talk about my first two trips with my new boyfriend: Paris and Lyon. First of all, these are the first trips I have taken in a while where I was actually eating and could experience the joy of not spending the entire time thinking about how to deal … Continue reading France, my first trips in recovery
Hello Dysfunctionality club! Though I have kept you slightly updated with the last few posts, I am officially starting the blog again! These months have been quite complicated: I have had to (and still am working on it) confront some of my greatest demons, even those so well hidden I myself didn't realize confronting them … Continue reading I’m back!
I have decided to write a brief post to keep the community updated on a great deal of new and positive events in my life. Many things have changed. I have a new boyfriend, I am trying my hardest (and slowly succeeding) in healing my relationship with my parents, for the first time I am … Continue reading My steps in recovery
Many things have happened in my life recently, positive and negative. I have felt happiness, more hope than ever and have a great desire to finally beat this illness. I am also writing a book, about the emotions I feel, have felt and how they have influenced my life. This is what I will work … Continue reading Be back soon! Keep the dysfunctionality club going!
I try to think about my future. My head starts spinning, I'm quickly getting confused and my heart starts beating rapidly. I imagine happiness, college, a husband, children, a life… And that is what I truly wish for, but the images are fading and others come into light. Hospital beds, rehab, feeding tubes, treatment plans… … Continue reading Fear
This was written to try and express my thought processes as I fell into this trap and relapsed over and over again. Unfortunately it was a very heartfelt piece. --- She's telling me she knows how to fix me. She's whispering into my ear, sweet words of hope. She's promising numbness, absence of pain. She's … Continue reading Anorexia: whisperings
I close my eyes and I let my thoughts wander. I'm smiling, running through a field of lilies. I can sense the air around me, the beauty of the sun brightly shining on the field, making the dry grass glisten; the fresh smell of spring engulfing me in its embracing wrap; the sound of water … Continue reading My Happy Place
How NOT to be functional 