You are NEVER alone

As you may have noticed, I haven’t written in a few days and though that is due to my dysfunctionality, this time there were more profound personal reasons why and I would like to share some of them with you.

The time will come where I will share more about my life but for now I’m going to tell you this: after months of inpatient therapy (hospitalised) for anorexia and months of outpatient where I was listed for inpatient and hanging on a thread, I have decided to search for alternative treatment. Though not all my team is sure I will manage, I decided to refuse hospitalisation as I have been through it repeatedly with very poor results (obviously) and decided to instead start an intensive outpatient program to see if it may be more helpful.

Yesterday was my first day, which is why I have had a lot on my mind the last few days. I have to say, I almost enjoyed it. As annoying as it may be, supervised meals are useful, and the two professionals were incredibly friendly.

Even more useful though was the time spent together right after the meal, in which me and the other two girls discussed not only how we felt about the meal but our thoughts and feelings about anything in general. This was the first moment I realized that there was another girl, sitting right in front of me, explaining exactly how I felt in certain situations. Feelings that I’m used to no one understanding, thoughts that I don’t even mention because I know they will be dismissed. And there she was, courageous enough not only to put them into words but to share them with others.

That wasn’t the moment of shock. That came later. After having finished talking, we moved on to creative writing and we were told to write about a feeling. I cannot express or even start to comprehend exactly how I felt at hearing another person read exactly what I thought, exactly what I felt, what my exact fears were and how in the end all of it sums up into a feeling of hopelessness. All I know is I, who have socially isolated myself because I don’t feel at ease in this world, who am so dysfunctional I find myself feeling I just can’t handle life in general, am not alone.

There are a lot of people out there like me, who are suffering and struggling through their own ordeals. And THEY, like I, ARE NOT ALONE

That is what I wanted to share with this post.

I would love to form a supportive community; for my writing to provide relief to those who suffer and information to those who are less informed, meanwhile trying to also make people smile. It’s a big dream, hard to achieve, but worth trying.

Yours sincerely,

Dysfunctional Girl