Agony

I call it agony because I myself don’t know how to define it. Short breath, a pressing feeling on my chest suffocating me; the feeling of hopelessness, kind of. A feeling so devastating it wracks my body, leaving me feeling somehow emotionally splintered. My muscles feel heavy, moving is out of question, as if the only thing holding me together is staying perfectly immobile…

… Folded in a fetal position, I’m rocking myself, trying to get my head to shut up. Painful thoughts, at least I know they are; they aren’t able to fully reach my consciousness. Only a feeling similar to despair lingers; I wonder what is happening in my subconscious to cause this. I’m confused, I don’t understand…

… Fear, anxiety, hopelessness, sadness: all mashed up in a single feeling. Sharp daggers in my heart, sharp daggers in my mind leaving only traces of dripping despair…

… It infiltrates my system, leaving me incapacitated. Leaving me feeling utterly destraught, convinced nothing can be done to help…

This is how agony feels to me.

Yours sincerely,

Dysfunctional Girl